Mastering Resistance
Let’s talk a bit about the powerful force of RESISTANCE.
Imagine it as a relentless tug-of-war within yourself. You think things should be one way but something else is happening. This back and forth, pushing and griping.
It doesn’t feel great. In fact, it can cause us A LOT of stress and suffering if we stay here too long. When it overstays its welcome, or when we can’t see it; it becomes stress, tension, conflict, and anxiety. Imagine trying to cling to the shore while life's river flows relentlessly onward; that's how resisting change can feel.
But, it’s not all bad. In fact, we can use resistance use it to grow. The trick is to NOTICE when you are in resistance, when to push through, and when to let go.
So first, let’s understand resistance in psychological terms a bit more. Resistance plays the role of a guardian, a mechanism deeply rooted in our psychology. Its purpose? To protect us from perceived threats. It's the voice that says, "Hold on, this is unknown territory."
Psychological resistance encompasses the conscious and unconscious mechanisms or barriers that people put up when they are confronted with the need to change or explore difficult emotions, thoughts, or behaviors. It can manifest in various ways, such as avoidance, defensiveness, denial, or reluctance to engage in the therapeutic process.
We can look at it as two types of resistance:
Conscious Resistance: This includes instances where you are aware of your own resistance and may openly express it. For example, you might say, "I don't want to talk about that" or "I'm not ready to change."
Unconscious Resistance: Some people may not even be aware of the resistance they are experiencing. Their resistance may manifest through repeated patterns of self-sabotage or difficulty in making progress, despite their desire to change.
Resistance can come from:
Fear of Change: Many people are naturally resistant to change, even when they recognize it's necessary. Fear of the unknown or fear of losing familiar coping mechanisms can be powerful drivers of resistance.
Fear of Vulnerability: You may be hesitant to open up and share your deepest thoughts and emotions, fearing judgment, rejection, or emotional pain.
Defense Mechanisms: Resistance often involves the use of defense mechanisms (e.g., denial, repression, projection) as a way to protect the ego from distressing or uncomfortable information.
Lack of Insight: In some cases, you simply may not fully understand the underlying issues contributing to your problems (yet).
Again, what is important is to recognize signs of prolonged resistance and understand where it is coming from. The constant tension, frustration, and that gnawing sense of being stuck — these are important signals we must pay attention to. They're whispers from our inner guide that it's time for change.
Enter mindfulness. :-)
Mindfulness is like the light of awareness. A lantern in the darkness, helping you see resistance clearly.
Working through resistance with mindfulness involves using mindfulness practices and techniques to become more aware of your resistance, understand its underlying causes, and ultimately lessen its impact. Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for addressing resistance because it encourages non-judgmental awareness and self-compassion, which are essential for personal growth and change. Here are some ways to work through resistance with mindfulness:
Mindful Self-Reflection:
Start by setting aside time for mindful self-reflection. Find a quiet, comfortable space and focus your attention on your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations.
Notice any resistance that arises when you think about the areas of your life where you want to make changes or explore further. Pay attention to any emotional or physical sensations associated with this resistance.
Observe Without Judgment:
Practice non-judgmental observation of your resistance. Avoid labeling it as "good" or "bad." Instead, simply acknowledge that it exists without criticizing yourself for it.
Use the "observer self" perspective, where you step back and observe your thoughts and feelings as if they were passing clouds. This can create some emotional distance from your resistance.
Explore the Roots of Resistance:
Mindfulness allows you to dig deeper into the reasons behind your resistance. Ask yourself questions like, "Why am I resisting this change or exploration?" or "What am I afraid of?"
Observe the thoughts and beliefs that underlie your resistance. Are there self-limiting beliefs or old narratives that are driving it?
Practice Self-Compassion:
Approach your resistance with self-compassion. Understand that resistance is a common human experience, and you're not alone in facing it.
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Offer yourself the same empathy and support you would give to a friend who is struggling.
Mindful Breathing:
When you encounter resistance, take a few moments to focus on your breath. Mindful breathing can help calm your nervous system and create space for more self-awareness.
Breathe in deeply, focusing on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving your body. Use your breath as an anchor to stay present with your resistance.
Progressive Exposure:
If your resistance is related to facing a particular fear or discomfort, consider using mindfulness to progressively expose yourself to the challenging situation or emotions. Start with small steps and gradually increase your exposure over time.
Mindful Acceptance:
Accept that resistance is a natural part of the process of change and self-discovery. It doesn't mean you're failing or regressing; it's an opportunity for growth.
As you become more mindful of your resistance, you can decide how to respond to it. You may choose to gently challenge it or allow it to be without pushing too hard.
“Watch the flow of water when it crosses over an area of land and you will see that it puts out fingers, and some of them stop because they come into blind alleys.
The water doesn’t pursue that course; it simply rises and then it finds a way it can go. But it never uses any effort. It only uses weight and gravity. It takes the line of least resistance and eventually finds a course.
Now, we will do the same thing.”
Life is a beautiful dance between resistance and surrender. Knowing when to push and when to yield is the art of mastering resistance.
Embracing and befriending resistance mindfully leads to greater resilience. It's the ability to bend without breaking, to learn from challenges, and to emerge stronger, like a phoenix from the ashes.
Your journey to recognize and understand resistance within yourself is unique, but you don't have to travel it alone. Reach out for personalized coaching guidance to understand this topic more deeply.
xo,
