The First Noble Truth
"Life is suffering."
I remember the first time I read these words. They were like music to my ears!
Seems weird- I know. Let me explain.
I was a very sensitive, emotional child- and as a teenager everything only got more difficult and confusing for me. I may have kept it together for the most part on the outside, but my inner world was a storm that I had no idea how to navigate. I flipped flopped back and forth between reading the darkest, most depressing poetry I could find, to putting quotes on the back of my bedroom door that said things like "The Attitude of Gratitude!!" and "Happiness is a Choice".
All of the support around me seemed to be pushing me to "just feel better", look at the bright side, put a smile on my face, and stop making a mountain out of a molehill. The more I tried to just feel better, the further away it seemed to be. I suppose this is when I discovered what it was to numb.
I went to college and all of the partying and drinking was a wonderful distraction from my emotional turmoil- but it never really went away. And then-BAM.
The unthinkable happened.
I lost my dad suddenly to a heart attack and my life flipped upside down. I simply couldn't handle the pain. Any and all attempts from people to make me feel better only resulted in me shutting down and numbing more; building a dam to hold back the flood of feelings I didn't know how to feel.
Every drink, every fake smile, every tear swallowed was another brick in that dam.
I built a big dam.
About 9 months after my dad died, I enrolled in an Introduction to Buddhism class in college, looking for answers. I opened the textbook and came to the First Noble Truth "Life is Suffering.”
YES.
"Finally…. someone said it!"
I read on… “Life always involves suffering, in obvious and subtle forms. Even when things seem good, we may always feel an undercurrent of anxiety and uncertainty inside."
The wave of relief was palpable. Why didn’t anyone tell me before that I wasn’t supposed to be happy all of the time? My teenage brain longed to know and hear that other people were suffering, just like me. That I was not inherently broken. That I was not doing everything wrong. That what I was experiencing was part of being human. And, that I was not alone.
As I look back now, I can see how that learning about the First Noble Truth paved the way for me to begin to accept how I was feeling, rather than fighting it and resisting it so strongly. It lessened the "I shouldn't feel like this. What's wrong with me?" commentary going through my head, and made it more of a universal experience.
The power of accepting things just as they are is strong. And also, paradoxically, a beautiful jumping off point for change.
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”
The First Noble truth gave me acceptance and relief.
The Second Noble truth gave me insight and curiosity.
The Third Noble truth gave me hope and inspiration.
And the Fourth Noble truth showed me a path inward that I am forever grateful for.
As a school psychologist, I work with a lot of teenagers and I can tell you that before any real change is going to happen- they need to know that they are loved and accepted JUST AS THEY ARE. They need to know that they are not alone and that all of us go through periods of pain, suffering, and confusion. And they need guidance on how to deal with those big emotions instead of damming them up and numbing them out.
They are still too young to truly know that nothing lasts forever, these feelings will pass, and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
As a coach working with teens, I absolutely teach the skills of mindset, emotional regulation, and stress management to help them feel better. But sometimes, a sincere acknowledgement that life really is hard for everyone at times, and they are not alone, is just they need to shift to a better place.
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