My First Dark Room Retreat
I discovered Dark Room retreats by accident, and when I find something so transformative by accident- I like to think that it found me. This was no exception.
I knew I wanted to go on a retreat in January and I was searching for retreat options at Hridaya Yoga in Mazunte, Mexcio (amazing place by the way) when I noticed a link to ‘Dark Room Retreats’ - which I had never heard of. I clicked on the link to find that it is exactly what it sounds like- retreating in a completely dark room by yourself. I immediately felt drawn to the experience and so I trusted my instincts and booked it right away. They recommended staying 3 nights for your first experience, so that’s what I went with.
After I booked it, I read more about the benefits and other people’s experiences to have some idea of what I might be getting into. Everyone seemed to get something different from it, but it sounded like almost everyone felt that it was a really rich experience for them.
A few of the benefits that I read about were:
Nervous system regeneration
Detoxification. The body comes out of darkness purified.
Getting deeply in touch with the senses and understanding them more fully.
Reconnection to your creativity.
Advanced practitioners no longer lose consciousness while sleeping, instead entering a meditative sleep.
People overcome their fear of darkness and even the fear of death.
Inner clear vision or the ‘third eye’ becomes accessible- intuition develops.
An understanding of invisible planes of existence may occur and therefore a change of paradigm concerning the so-called ‘reality.’ (This is the one I was actually worried about that ended up being the coolest part)
Vibratory frequency rises.
Teachings surge from within: liberation of the past, access to elevated feelings of grace, or encounters with beings living in other realms.
When I was sharing it with my family over Christmas, they let me know that a football player, Aaron Rodgers, did one and he absolutely loved it. While I had no idea who Aaron Rodgers was- I was happy to be hearing so many good things about it. haha
When they showed me the actually room I would be in, I must admit, I got a little scared. It was like an underground cave. I was questioning my decision, as I was in an incredibly beautiful place, immensely enjoying watching the sunrise at the beach every morning, and I didn’t want to leave. But, I knew it was time to go in.
My Dark Room in the light!
Before going into the room I had planned to try to write/journal on the blank pages that I brough, maybe get creative and draw, see what it was like to do yoga and exercises without eyesight, and more. I somehow made a to-do list for my dark room retreat, which looking back is hilarious.
Maybe my over-productive personality was shining through because the man who worked there spoke to me before I went in and said “You know if you get in there and your body calls for rest and nothing more- listen to that. There is nothing else that you need to do to have a transformative experience.” I think I needed permission to do just that.
So they took me to the room, I took a quick look around to have one more visual picture of where everything was and then- lights out, door shut.
“Hmm, what now?” I thought.
To my surprise, I felt instantly relaxed. I laid down with my eyes open until I realized it didn’t matter if they were opened or closed. I began resting so deeply that there were times I didn’t know if I was sleeping or awake. I would let my eyes open and then close and fully enjoy not seeing the difference. Having ZERO distractions from myself (nothing to eat, nothing to read, nothing to do, no one to talk to, nothing to look at), things seemed so clear in my head. My thoughts became so obvious and malleable. The overall feeling that I had was that I was DIGESTING and PROCESSING experiences. When I slept, my dreams felt as real as reality and they weren’t those obscure dreams where you don’t understand what is happening. It was person after person coming to visit me in my dream. My dad, my grandma, so many people from my past and people in my life now. It made me excited to sleep every time I closed my eyes. I slept A LOT.
When I was awake I was meditating or doing a little bit of yoga. I figured out the exact number of steps to get to the toilet. The exact number of pumps for the water before my water bottle overflowed. I listened for bird sounds or any footsteps outside to help figure out what time it was. I sang, I laughed, and I cried a little.
In terms of meals, at this particular center, Posada Arigalan, you are delivered two vegan meals a day (at 10 am and 6 pm). There is a little side door that they open, put in the meal and then knock and then close their side of the door. Then I would push aside a light blocking fabric, open the door on my side to take the food, and close the door- ensuring you never see the light. I used my hands to eat mostly because the silverware seemed too complicated. I sat on the stone ground and ate so slowly to savor what I had. It was really basic food without seasoning and at one moment I felt like a prisoner eating scraps of food in a cave and then I quickly remembered I chose to be there and I could walk out the door at any time :-)
One of the coolest parts about it for me was experiencing that when there was nothing and no one to project onto- and nothing and no one to distract me- I could see my inner world and personality tendencies so clearly- for better or worse ;-)
It was definitely a progressive deepening into relaxation and by the end of the third day I felt like I was being held in a womb. Completely supported, completely cared for, completely content. When I heard the knock on the door in the morning to tell me my time was up, I didn’t want to go. But, I knew it was time to go out.
A moment of re-birth.
It was 5:30 am and the sun hadn’t peaked out yet, giving my eyes time to acclimate to the light. I realized how much information we are constantly taking in through our eyes without being conscious of it. I walked down the cliff to the beach to again watch the sunrise that didn’t want to leave before. Another transition. Another opportunity to let go. Another opportunity to dive into exactly where I was before that changes too. 💓
